Peaceful vs Violent Parenting

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Peaceful vs Violent Parenting

  • Enrique Caceda

    It is easier to resort to violence when dealing with our children – raising our voice, sending them to time-out or to their rooms, spanking them, or even injecting physical and emotional abuse will do the trick at times. Additionally, these approaches are, at times, condoned and encouraged by specialists, doctors, therapists, and we read about them in parenting magazines. But how effective are they in reality? and why is it that parents feel remorse after punishing their children using these methods?

    Kick off the discussions about your thoughts, ideas, and tactics to interact with your children in a peaceful manner. How have your techniques improve your child’s behavior? How do you become and behave like the adult in your parent-child relationship?

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  • Audra Flammang

    Someone gave a a copy of Jane Nelsen’s Positive Discipline a few years back. I still refer back to it. it helped me approach my kids behavior from the viewpoint of trying to understand their motivations, their temperament, etc, instead of acting solely from emotion and frustration. 

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      Justin Davis

      I’m going to read that book. Sounds great.

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    Audra Flammang

    It also helped me a lot when i started reading up on temperament. These are inborn qualities that may make our lives as parents easier or more challenging, which is not actually a discipline issue at all- it’s our charge for deeper understanding and very intentional parenting. There are at least nine major characteristics that make up temperament. Great quote I found recently: “We delude ourselves when we think that our parenting is the singular engine behind our child’s development. Your children come hardwired with interests, abilities, capacities and temperament. They will grow, more or less into the person they are meant to be whether they have one tutor or two, go to math camp or computer camp, work out twice a week or daily. I’m not saying that the opportunities we provide our children our meaningless. On the contrary, I’m asking you to consider the types of opportunities you are providing, what is motivating you, and how well these opportunities fit with your child’s particular nature.” Madeline Levine

     

    Activity level: the level of physical activity, motion, restlessness or fidgety behavior that a child demonstrates in daily activities (and which also may affect sleep).

    Rhythmicity or regularity: the presence or absence of a regular pattern for basic physical functions such as appetite, sleep and bowel habits.

    Approach and withdrawal: the way a child initially responds to a new stimulus (rapid and bold or slow and hesitant), whether it be people, situations, places, foods, changes in routines or other transitions.

    Adaptability: the degree of ease or difficulty with which a child adjusts to change or a new situation, and how well the youngster can modify his reaction.

    Intensity: the energy level with which a child responds to a situation, whether positive or negative.

    Mood: the mood, positive or negative, or degree of pleasantness or unfriendliness in a child’s words and behaviors.

    Attention span: the ability to concentrate or stay with a task, with or without distraction.

    Distractibility: the ease with which a child can be distracted from a task by environmental (usually visual or auditory) stimuli.

    Sensory threshold: the amount of stimulation required for a child to respond. Some children respond to the slightest stimulation, and others require intense amounts.

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    Daniel Davis

    I am not a parent but I have a lot of respect for any parent who chooses peaceful solutions over violent ones. I was disciplined physically almost everyday when I was a child. The long term effect of this made me afraid to try new things, afraid to question authority, I had a low sense of self-worth, and I developed an unnatural hatred for my mother. Of course now that I am grown I have forgiven her and made peace with it. I am very happy now and I have developed a strong sense of self-worth. It is like the way Ze Frank describes scars. “If someone carves into a sampling with a knife, the injury is as wide as the entire trunk. Though that mark will never fully heal, even grow the tree around it, and as you grow, the scar gets smaller in proportion.”

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